What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
