She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
