I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
