it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize