just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
