i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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