yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
