I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize
