so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
