There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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