I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
