I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
