I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
