I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
