tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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