Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
