I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
