I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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