its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I did not marry a roomba.
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