Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
