my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
