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You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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