I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize