meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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