I cockslap morals
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
