just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
