Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
