She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You can't special order awesome
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
