Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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