I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
