proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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