from now on my penis is your penis
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
