I just threw up on my dentist
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
