I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize