I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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