Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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