it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I got inside last night via doggy door
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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