I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
