I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
