i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
