So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
