i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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