Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
