She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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