So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
