Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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