If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
