That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
