Dude my mom stole all your condoms
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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