you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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