Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
