His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
