I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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