Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
