Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Quick, to the slutcave!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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