so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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