I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
