Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
