my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
how does that bad decision feel?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
