Pappa wants mamma naked
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
