I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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