She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
