alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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