I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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