Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
