After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
