I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
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